---
I know the last page so well,
I can't read the first.
So i just don't start,
It's getting worse.

I wanna know what it's like,
On the inside of love;
Standing at the gates,
I see the beauty above.
---

Ello, watched 'My Girl' yesterday, bought VCD, it's a really touching show... the camera angles and all that is stiff at times and doesn't really bring out the scenery or backdrop (think local productions like ... Raintree productions...more of a homely feel, very focused on individuals). But the idea is really very sweet and touching; childhood friendship, innocence...and first love.

The kind of love you never, ever forget, an effusion of emotions overwhelmingly pure and sweet in its youthful inexperience. When air smells fresher, water tastes sweeter, and life is simply more beautiful...

...or something like that.

Anyway, what happens in the show is really a good depiction of childhood reality, peer pressure, conformity, parents and the mind of a child... makes me wish i was a kid again, innocent and carefree, or in other words, young and dumb.

Synopsis:
Noi Nah, childhood friends and sweetheart with Jeab since birth, treats him very well and cares alot for him, to the extent of playing football with him to cheer him up, despite not knowing how to play and getting injured.

Jeab, on the other hand, grows up playing with girls and yearns to hang out with the guys instead. Being the pre-adolescent bunch they are, they make Jeab go through initiation rites to be part of the gang, culminating in wrecking the girls' main source of fun, a skipping rope made out of rubber bands.

Of course, this pisses off Noi Nah, and she confronts Jeab, who nonchalantly shoves her to the ground, chucking away their lifelong(literally) history of friendship and mutual care.

Regretting it immediately, he secretly tries to make amends, cos' after all, hey, a guy has his pride, but sadly, is too late as her family moves away from the little village they stay in. Soooooo... moral of the story is: if you find someone you truly care about, don't worry about pride or anything, just do what feels right.

It's like i always say:"Matters of the heart, must be solved with the heart" Don't think! Feel.

---

Soooooo moving on... in a nutshell, met up with wern ming, andrew, joy, jack and daphne, went gym, went swimming, went for dinner with my family, saw my super cute nieces, ton at andrew's place, watch shitload of movies, in the morning went harbourfront to li xiao kwok hao and discuss presentation, played lan at netspielz, came home and now hungry.

Pretty good summary of the past two days.

---

Warning: Long read ahead

Referring to the snippet of song posted above, Nada Surf's inside of love... Love, arguably the most popularised emotion in the world, a central tenet of every movie made, every play performed, every book written, for good reason. Inimitable, constantly sought-after, absolutely pure, passionate love has always been said to be the greatest thing in the world.

Fairy tales always end in happy endings, with the words ~and they lived happily ever after~ Everyone knows this, and everyone is looking for their prince charming or princess. Love brings hope, companionship... completion to an otherwise unfulfilled life.

Thing is, how many failed marriages, divourced couples, break-ups, affairs, suicides, PPOs, injunctions and crimes of passion have there been, between people who -love- each other? People who once loved each other can easily turn it into hate, passion misplaced so often develops into rage.

But that's not my point, my point is; nowadays, people are educated and continually addressed with issues on love, from friends always asking you for updates on your love life, to your Aunties at family weddings prodding you;"So when your turn ah?"

People today, rush into relationships, grabbing for love, trying to get into a preconceived expectation and image of love. Lonely hearts see couples everywhere, and ache to be like them; finding other like-minded souls, they crash together like two pliant springs, softened and molded by society's stigma for being alone.

Brought together by velocity, the two springs get entangled, and briefly, cling even closer together, before their spring dynamics and structure rudely snaps them back to their original, individual springy shapes. This is like two people who just come together out of mutual needs and wants, in a flurry of uncontrollable passion, eventually coming apart, it might take weeks, months or years... but everything eventually unwinds.

-The candle that burns brightest burns fastest-
-Some fuckhead whose name i can't remember said this.

On the other hand, the same two springs, gently coming together, given time to feel and conform to the contours of the other, adapting, revolving around each other, both giving and taking more of themselves to the other, until eventually they are so intertwined they are inseparable and become one giant super-strength industrial-grade mega powerful spring.

That, is love.

-Love is like a friendship caught on fire. In the beginning a flame, very pretty, often hot and fierce, but still only light and flickering. As love grows older, our hearts mature, and our love becomes as coals, deep-burning and unquenchable.-
- Bruce Lee

Feeling...sure i'm gonna ache all over tomorrow. Gym gym gym... no martial arts for the moment so just going gym now. >_<

Not going out much...which is good because then i save money, but i'm also dead bored at present. The presentation for our smoking ad is on monday, and the guys are meeting up supposedly on sunday to make our powerpoint and stuff....hope hope hope we win.

Big difference between top($600) and consolation prize($100)... well, at the very least it solves any division problems since my group has 6 members. ^_^ Now if only i can go seduce the board members...

Changed song again. Thanks Andrew for this one. Kinda represents how i'm feeling now... listen to the lyrics.

Check out Dashboard Confessional's Plain Morning too...nice song~

Apparently blogger's lagging now. Anyway, ended up lifting off blogskin.com this really neat skin....simple blue. it's so....minimalist. sleek.

Going gym again tomorrow with Ahmad, speaking of which, California Fitness is cool man.... they have like...dunno how many floors of equipment and workout rooms for cardio classes and stuff, loads and loads of machines and free weights, complete with hugeass musclebound guys who benchpress a helluva lot.....then the bar(bell) itself is already quite heavy...shit man.

Then there are pretty hot chicks inside as well... *nosebleed*. Moving on, facilities are really damn good there. Only thing is it's too ex for me... 58 bucks a month...and that's like promotional price. >_<

As promised, the banana phone... hope any statutes and copyrights have expired, since it's so old liao... Just go to "Files", right click and save as...

Anyone know any more retarded songs like this? i.e. arrogant worms - i am cow that kinda thing? Nyahahahahah

Was supposed to go over to andrew's place earlier to ton...but then i fell asleep. heheh now he's pissed of at me i think, then later go ray wilson gym with ahmad get a free one month trial membership.

K that's all. bums. Having a blog is no use for me man... because too many people i know read it i can't really write down how i really feel or anything, too... dangerous. SO what's the point!

Listening to:
Story Of The Year - Anthem Of Our Dying Day
Dunno who - Ai Rang Wo Men Ji Mo

Pretty fun day today, woke up early at 8am, for the sole purpose of sending a SMS to jie ting and adeline for helping out during the global conference, which is pretty... nice of them.

Cos' they have to go back extra by themselves, one morning and one afternoon, for the express purpose of escorting the guest speaker for the conference to the stage (as if he could get lost), but anyway guess it makes for 'decorum' and all that.

The shittiest thing is i have to do the exact same thing tomorrow.

Anyway, after that, i managed to crawl out of bed to go East Coast to meet some friends (Jack Steph Val Christian) for cycling/blading. Fun fun, if it wasn't so damn far away i'd go more often.

Finally in the evening, went to watch Shrek 2 with some other friends. It's a funny ass show man! If you got time and money go catch it... spoof all the fairy tales, then Puss'in'boots is voiced by Antonio Banderas, so if you watched desperado or once upon a time in mexico it's even funnier...

On a final note, i think for some reason the banana phone song, or rather the lyrics, is attracting alot of pageviews... i think i'll be taking it down, but i'll put up a link to download it... (because it's too late to get it off keyword searches)
I'll also be changing my blog layout... soon. Get down to creating a new skin.

Listening to:
Smile Empty Soul - Silhouettes
The Ripple Effect - Time Slips On By (super nice song must go hear)

happy days are here again~

tomorrow- going to watch troy with safuan, whom i haven't met for years...literally. Yay, and also going to pass jaiyme her driving book and stuff....

Today- went to church unwillingly as usual, since i'm an agnostic but can't really bring myself to tell my parents and break their hearts or something knowing their kid has become a godless pagan sinner who'll rot in purgatory for eternity.

BUT! i saw someone whom i thought was an old friend in church today, meaning i'll go back to church next week! yay! Long long long time since i even heard from her... janice. Last time i saw her was like....4 years ago.

A soft-spoken, gorgeous girl with oriental features and is super fair, like one shade away from being an albino, very shy when i first knew her, but then, we were all young shy asses back then.

Crikey... i'm afraid of losing all my old friends. Got too little in the first place.

Yesterday- went to marina south or something for lunch with my family, cos' my bro book out from BMTC. Pretty disappointing fare but for me, well, food's food.

After that went over to jana's to collect some stuff, cos' she going Manchester, UK for a credit transfer programme. Ended up i went changi to send her, jovin and dawn off, along with some 19 other peeps, from DBF and DAC, saw jackass, val and co there as well, who were there to see psyduck dawn off.

So fun man, wish DMC has something like that... go overseas for five weeks to 'study'. Then next week some others going off to Tokyo, Japan for the MILE programme, like carol and wern ming i think. So so so so fun. It's saddening that because media n comm is a new course, we're not going to have such stuff because it's not so...established and stuff.

According to blogger.com, this is my 90th post. whoa that's fast...

Anyway, a summary of today was, wake up, play with peggy, eat lunch, go watch zatoichi with andrew the ass who make me go borders to meet him when the movie is at cine, then go home.

Tomorrow doesn't look much likelier to be more happening, with a duty stint for the sparc cca booth during freshman enrolment... sianz...

I think i'm getting bored of my blog, don't really feel like putting in any effort or thought in it. It's becoming like... a calender?

Few days into holidays already and i'm becoming really really bored. At first i only had two objectives, work on getting my driving license, and training up by myself, so i can get into shape to enter .....All-styles or some other crappy tournament in Singapore at least, want to compete at least once before i get too old like... 22. Which is only ... 4 short years away.

Soooo now in between running, reading basic theory, and watching movies....i'm spending 3/4 of everyday........sleeping. i need to find something else to do man... everyone else has ITP so i'm like the only one that's free nowadays...

Listening to:
Massive Attack - Special Cases
Chemical Brothers - Setting Sun

Feeling really pissed off right now. Mostly at myself and a little bit at a couple of other people.

Kinda lost my temper a little earlier like, cos' of a gradual anger build up over a few months or something. My poor dog which was trying to play with me got a little rough, i think cos' she pms or something, and i got a little rough back. she must be thinking what the hell is wrong with me today man, feel bad about that. Later go apologise to her...

The catalyst for the afore mentioned behavior was probably because of a couple of my fucked up classmates, who agreed to join the freshman orientation programme together as facilitators. Then eventually one by one tua me for the first fac meeting tomorrow, with excuses ranging from a legitimate interview to no fucking reason. at all. Fucking hell, not even my idea to sign up in the first place.

Well. Fuck you. Fuck you if you're reading this. In all fairness, this is probably due to my still feeling pissed right now, which i suppose everyone does once in a while, and misdirecting my anger, but fuck you nonetheless.

Well now that's out of the way, watched Van Helsing today, cool show! The brides of Dracula are hot hot hot!! One was Josie Maran i think... and kate beckinsale was hot too!! I think i watch the movie mostly for the babes in it... the only flaw would probably be the slightly retarded storyline...

Cheers!

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abit can't be bothered to blog now.

Urgent post!

Ladies and gentlemen, i present to you, the best song in the world.

Tell everyone you know.

In other news, one paper left, i've not studied at all the whole day, instead played DR3, and before that a shitload of battlefield 1942 with a whole bunch of DMC guys.

So in essence, i'm fucked for AM. but i don't care....i've got the banana phone~

Boop a doop a doop
Boop a doop a doop

Ring ring ring ring ring ring ring Banana phone
Ring ring ring ring ring ring ring Banana phone

I’ve got this feeling
So appealing
For us to get together and sing, Sing!

Ring ring ring ring ring ring ring Banana phone
Ding dong ding dong ding dong ding Donana phone

It grows in bunches
I’ve got my hunches
It’s the best! Beats the rest!
Cellular modular interactic bobdular

Ring ring ring ring ring ring Banana phone
Ping ping pong ping pong ring pong ping Ponana phone

It’s no baloney
It ain’t phoney
My cellular banaular phone

Don’t need quarter, don’t need dimes
Don’t call a friend of mine,
Don’t need computer or T.V.
To have a real good time
I’ll call for pizza! I’ll call my cat
I’ll call the white house, have a chat!
I’ll place a call, around the world
Operator get me bei jing jing jing

*Instrumental* Yes, Play that thing, Whooooo hooooooo

Ring ring ring ring ring ring ring Banana phone
Boop boop a doopa doop
Ying yang ying yang ying yang ying Yonana phone
It’s a real life momma and papa phone
My brother and sister and a dogga phone
A grandpa phone and a grandma phone too, oh yeah
My cellular bananular phone
Banana phone, ring ring ring “It’s a phone with a peel”
Banana phone, ring ring ring “Now you can have your phone and eat it too”
Banana phone, ring ring ring “This song drives me… banana’s!”
Banana phone, ring ring ring

Boop a doopa doop, doop doop!

Listening to:
Banana phone!

Caught Beautiful Boxer with Marcus the other day, goot show. hahahahaha. movie bug now got exams. Show's about a country tranny who is talented in Muay Thai, then fights all over the place, in different provinces, ultimately at Bangkok's Lumpini stadium, which is like the premiere place for the best boxers to fight. All that to get money to take care of his family and get a sex change operation. Of course, this motivation is very newsworthy and soon he gets alot of media attention because he puts on make up to fight, and then kisses his opponents after each fight. Wahahaha so cool. Anyway, i think that's really brave, daring to be what he wants to be, despite social pressure to conform, furthermore he/she excels in Muay Thai. hahahahaha wonder which camp/gym she trained at.

Next, managed to finish a couple of novels the past two days, which is fcuked up because i stayed up to read finish. David Baldacci's Split Second and Jeffry Archer's Sons of Fortune, and totally neglected my MLE. Hahahaha, but the books are damn engrossing.

Now starting on MLE, sianz.

Listening to:
Maroon 5 - Shiver
Spineshank - Beginning of the End

had M&PP paper earlier yesterday apparently, then shifa called me and asked me to go main library to watch Michael Moore's bowling for columbine, which is a documentary on americans' gun toting culture, pretty amazing and also damn funny in a way. The show was about how compared globally, americans shoot each other alot more than the rest of the world, then they were analysing for causes, the administration, the media, violent films, their history of cowboys and reds, annnnnnnd.... Marilyn Manson.

Whoa, had to admit before today i didn't really think much of him, supposedly satanic songs and all, but in the show when Michael Moore (the filmmaker) interviewed him he seemed surprisingly normal and mature by conventional standards, especially when he was asked what he would like to say to a couple of kids involved in a high school shooting. His answer was, to paraphrase, not to say a word at all, instead listen to what they have to say, which nobody gave them a chance to.
Now i respect marilyn manson... anyway, go watch the show if you haven't already. huge backlash from US citizens all over forums and shit i think... pro and anti gun peeps, arguing for their rights to keep guns, and stricter gun control laws.

Personally, while i can sorta understand the various viewpoints of gun proponents, protection in a high crime rate area, constitutional or state rights, 2nd amendment, and my favourite, between needs and wants, it's up to them what they want to own, i.e. house, cars, and by the same token, guns. Individual determines his own wants for self-actualization. you know what you want, go for it. only the strong survive.

On the flip side, IMHO, it's partially because the media perpetuates alot of violence and crime i guess, so people get desensitized, numbed to it, and take action to prevent the same thing from happening to them, enter guns under the pillow syndrome. in the show, stark contrast man. US media shows murders, robberies, assaults on the news daily, breaking regular programming sometimes, the canadian news? wahahahahaha. Breaking news: New speedbumps! LOL. but they don't lock their doors at night? that's where i want to retire or live one day...

Another reason would be the gov and it's policies. the current administration's tendency to 'help keep the peace' everywhere with the strong arm of military technological superiority and the presence of nuclear weapons. Now there's a good analogy, the nukes are agreed to be dangerous, disarmament a dream held by many. Think about this. guns and nukes. people and countries. everyone has 'em, but no one really wants to have to use them, but because your enemy may or may not have them, you gotta keep yours ready.

Now a central tenet of the show is the difficulty in exercising gun control, and a plea to disarm and get rid of your guns is going to be heeded by NOBODY. it's the same thing, while nuclear holocaust is something no one really wants, WMDs have to be maintained for retaliation purposes, it's a matter of self-defence thru the threat of massive, albeit mutual destruction. Don't shoot/nuke me or i shoot/nuke you back.

But i think sooner or later the US' highhanded ways of solving political issues, as a 'big brother' sort of thing is going to backfire, people adapt to their national culture, become like their country. If they are showing that they use violence and money to solve problems (think sanctioned assasinations and secret funding of foreign armies), then naturally their people will grow to think of that as the most effective way, and bowling for columbine reflects that.

(I put the US as US because then it won't show up on keyword searches, learnt from Ms. KWA! HAHAHAHAHHA, cos' i dowan ISD or something tagging me as communistic or a political dissident)

Anyhoo, they're probably going to end up as a militant state, owned by fiscal powers, such as financial institutions and big corporate conglomerates with hefty foreign assets, backing the gold standard all the way, what with dollar devaluation. GOLD is...tangible, it inspires trust, it lasts, not to mention how little of it there seems to be.

They'll probably have the military as enforcers, because an army needs moolah to work. who's to say that isn't already starting to happen? i mean the gov needs dough too right (esp. since the avg. S2S missle costs over 500k a pop)? all the big bucks come in thru corporate funding, not for nothing is sponsorship (M&PP wahahahah), so what are they getting for their muhnee?

tax concessions? legal benefits for big companies? favourable new bills passed? it's an investment! the gov can really help you grow as a company, building permits, land purchases, stuff. $$ helps. it's like they say, you gotta spend it to make it.

k i think i'll stop about this here. don't want to get taken as a radical or left-winger. Comments pls post on the tagboard or e-mail me!!! but i hate talkin abt serious stuff usually, dunno y write so much crap today. DISCLAIMER: everything here is my own opinion, possibly derived from different sources, but do not reflect a political representation in anyway so don't buttfcuk me abt anything aye?
____________________________________________________________

Moving on, Shifa and I then trooped our way down to orchard to meet the '03 fcukers, Jethro, Clarence and Daniel. Played LAN for about half an hour when there was a blackout, followed by a walkout, which is like abit mean cos' the poor auntie there very pek chek and looked very flustered trying to appease a whole bunch of caucasian kids.

Laters, jethro succinctly put it this way, she so stressed, better not to disturb her, let her concentrate. What the fcuk man. hahahahaha. anyway, let me tell you a little more about jethro, who's a bloody lameass cockhead joker, a typical conversation that went on earlier during dinner:

Shifa: Eh, 快点去叫leh.

Jethro: leh.

Shifa & I: *Momentarily stunned* *Then start laughing as we get it*

Me: Okay lah, 你们先去叫lah.

Jethro: lah.

Can really smack his face man. furthermore, earlier on when we were at the cybercafe, getting our coms, we were discussing what to order from the snack bar.

Cybercafe lady: *after telling us our com numbers and stuff, overhearing us* 你们想叫什么?

Fcukhead Jethro: ÎÒ叫Jethro, ÕâÊÇChris, ÄÇÊÇShifa.
____________________________________________________________

The three of us, shifa, jethro and i finally made our way to dhoby ghaut to meet up with my class guys, who had been playing LAN right after the paper, which means 5 freakin' hours!! that's nuts man, the last time i played anywhere near that length of time, i was in sec 3. Crazy.

When we got there, the guys were already in the process of leaving in drips and draps (is there such a term?) so three of us just chiong battlefield 1942 like mad for a few maps, shifa being the WWII nut he is, enjoyed it so much he didn't want to try desert combat...

After playing a couple of hours, we went to paradiz center for dinner and a little arcade cos' there is buy 1 credit get 1 free. so not a bad deal. Talked cock with the two of them for quite a while before heading home.

On the bus bumped into hazlinda also on the way home...hahahaha coincidence, think she has a damn cute voice. Bought a big gulp from the new 7-11 near my house, FINALLY there's a 7-11 here that i can walk to, went home and slept.
Woke up about 4 plus and you now see the results of my hunger-induced insomnia.

WHOA THAT'S A FCUKING LONG ENTRY! think it's cos' i feel relaxed now, got breather before the next paper, law crap. anyone wanna study out? and hopefully watch movie as well, i wanna watch;
beautiful boxer(my idol! {the muay thai champion part, not the tranny part}),
zatoichi (blind swordsman, which is cool)
50 first dates (need to stock up on adam sandler...)

k that's it. what a fcuking long entry. imagine how much i could have studied instead...

Listening to:
Disturbed - The Game
Norah Jones - Humble Me
Moren Tea Estate - At The Edge
Staind - Outside
Catatonia - Road Rage
Starsailor - Silence Is Easy