Oh wicked, it's been a week since i posted... been wasting my life away. Kinda losing interest in school stuff so everytime in project discussions or what not i can't wait to get away.

Been going out like everyday as well, just hanging out and chilling with friends. Madness. Anyway, my life is one of contradictions, my upbringing against my training, conflicted heart against rational brain, questions against certainties, emotions switching like a clock's pendulum.

What is it like to just let go? Before you learn anything, you just anyhow bom and let fly with everything you've got (talking in martial arts context), but once you start training, you learn limits, holding back, control, and to wear a mask. And never, -never-, get into a fight unless your life depends on it.

Sometimes i just wish i could cut loose and go all out, not worry an iota about anything for once. Just, be free. (general context now...) Waxing philosophy now: however, to be free also means free of emotions ma. So basically being totally free would mean to be devoid of emotions as well.

Dunno la, alot of pent up feelings, and i'm sick of always holding back. Oh well, so what can i do? Just make clouds. Heh.

Trying not to let someone affect me so much but failing miserably. Dying inside of more than one cause. I want to cry and laugh at the same time. Really extremes of emotions man...

Hahahaa oh yar i just remembered, today when i went out with CX, Fa Fa and fuckhead jethro for dinner and talk cock session, i almost got banged down, k not really, just knocked down maybe, by a car earlier. Then i was grinning at the woman in the passenger seat who was staring back at me with this absolutely horrified expression. I was smiling and wondering why i was smiling whenever this kind of thing happens. Think i don't treasure life enough.

Listening to:
Jessica Riddle - Even Angels Fall
Jack Johnson - Bubbletoes
Vanessa Carlton - White Houses